Reading with Toddlers

This is a great article about reading with our toddlers! It offers suggestions of ways to get started and the benefits to our children when we read to them.

The main thing to keep in mind about reading with toddlers is that it has more to do with pointing and talking than with sitting still and listening.

There are many great options for toddler books. Board books fall into two categories: storybooks and content books. A good toddler storybook often shows the sequence of common routines—such as bedtime, taking a walk, or bath time. Helen Oxenbury’s Tom and Pippo series is a great example. A toddler and his imaginary companion, a sock monkey, go through simple activities together under the loving care of mom and dad. While reading storybooks, take time to talk about what is happening and make connections to what your family does that is either the same or different. Books that incorporate touching and feeling, like Pat the Bunny and any book with flaps, create moments for interaction that are ideal for this age.

Board books by Sandra Boyton combine humorous stories with learning concepts, such as animal sounds, and opposites. Your child’s ability to remember and her vocabulary are growing tremendously, and books that introduce first words and emotions feed her desire for information. The structure of a book helps her organize what she is learning. (It is a good idea to save alphabet and counting books for another year or so.)

Parents read to share their own love of books, to bond with their child, to stimulate their child’s language development (among other great reasons). All of these goals can be reached with a toddler by following these recommendations.

How to encourage reading in a toddler:

• Keep durable books in a visible and easy-to-access location.
• Allow your child to choose what to read whenever possible.
• Provide your child a variety of books—story, learning, humorous, rhyming books.
• Build several moments for reading into your daily routine.
• Resist taking away reading time as a consequence. (“Mommy will not read a bedtime story tonight if…)
• Limit television viewing.

How to manage reading with a toddler:

• Be willing to read only parts of a book and pages out of order.
• Read when asked.
• Let your child hold the book and turn the pages.
• Sit close to your child, as much as possible, while reading.

While you are fostering a love of books, disregard the commonly held idea that you must read to your child for a set amount of time (20 minutes) in one sitting everyday, or that you are a failure if you can’t get your toddler to sit still to “read.” Home literacy has a lot to do with having dynamic conversation, using a varied vocabulary, and modeling a love of reading. If, in your literacy rich home, you continue to make books available and offer to read on a routine basis, your child will take interest. At some point, the momentum to read together will shift from you to your child…and then be ready to sit down with a pile of picture books.

Credits: 60 second parent website: great articles! http://www.sixtysecondparent.com/_webapp_218785/Reading_with_Toddlers

Feelings

Part Five: The Emotional Life of the Toddler

Control of emotions is one of the most complex challenges facing toddlers and their parents. children vary greatly in the intensity of how they experience and express feelings, depending on inborn temperamental factors, but it is a rare toddler whose feelings do not become intense and overwhelming at times. As parents provide both limits and loving support to their toddler, they are helping the child gradually learn ways of handling and modulating their feelings so that the tantrums of the 2-year-old ideally give way to emphatic verbal argument of the pre-schooler.

Developing competence in language and increasingly complex symbolic play skills will help this process immensely. Music as a fundamental route for the expression of human emotion, is an excellent tool for helping young children learn to identify and channel emotions. Very young children can identify and channel emotions. Very young children can identify music that makes them happy or sad, and enter enthusiastically into singing songs, or even verses within the same song that express emotion. Learning to identify loving, contented feelings and feelings of anger, fear and sadness are equally important human tasks. Musical expression of these wide ranges of emotion can help make them more manageable, less overwhelming, and much more understandable to the child who language skills are still emerging.

It is clear that many of the elements that make up a Kindermusik class enhance a toddler's ability to progress in these crucial tasks. The structure of the Kindermusik program and the opportunities it offers have the potential to directly enhance each parents ability to support his or her child in these tasks, and thus increase th joy inherent in parenting a bright, musical toddler.

How can I help my child in his/her development? Part 1

Here is a great post by my friend Vanessa about how to help our children in thier many levels of development.

That is one question many parents should ask themselves all the time. Parents have the most influence on their child’s development, but sometimes they don't know what to do. In order to know how you can help your child, first you need to know what areas are involved in their development. Let’s review 4 major areas.

Motor Development - A motor skill is a learned sequence of movements that combined, produce a smooth, efficient action in order to master a particular task. Motor skills can be divided in two areas: gross motor skills and fine motor skills. Gross motor skills include the use of large muscles such as arms and legs. Gross motor skills make you move in different positions such as lifting the head, rolling over, sitting up, balancing, crawling, walking and jumping. It usually develops from top to bottom. Fine motor skills include the use of smaller muscles to manipulate small objects, transfer objects from hand to hand, and other various hand-eye coordination tasks. Fine motor skills may involve the use of very precise motor movement in order to achieve an especially delicate task to do something. Some examples of fine motor skills are using the pincer grasp (thumb and forefinger), picking up small objects, cutting, coloring, writing, or threading beads.

Cognitive Development - This is the are that develops the ability to learn new knowledge and to process, understand, and apply this knowledge to different ends. Developing this area helps a child improve his/her capacity for mental activities such as reasoning, interpreting, comparing and contrasting, evaluating, judging, inferring, predicting, sequencing, and visualizing. It also helps children master specific content knowledge relating to vocabulary, mathematics, and science.

Social-Emotional Development - This is the development of skills relating to how one interacts with other people and how one behaves oneself. The capacity for empathy, the understanding of social rules, and friendships are some of the skills a child will learn to master as they grow.

Communication Development - This is a process starting early in human life, when a person begins to acquire language by learning it as it is spoken or signed. Children's language development moves from simple to complex. Infants start communicating by crying but as the child gets older, new meanings and new associations are created and vocabulary increases as more words are learned.

Next time I’ll share specific ideas that parents can do to help their children in each one of these areas!

Credits!
vcabrera77 June 8, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Categories: Child Development
URL: http://wp.me/pPyYT-3Y
photo: http://www.kindermusik.com/

Did you learn something new today? Let us know!
Add a comment to this post

Hold Me and Let Me Go!

Part Two: The Emotional World of the Toddler

Another major task for toddlers that can confuse parents at first is resolving the conflict between their passionate desire for closeness to their parents--after all, they are still barely out of babyhood--and their equally fierce drive for independence. The mantra for many toddler is "Me DO" or as one toddler sputtered all day long, "Self!" Yet, when the going gets tough, the tough get going right back to mom's or dad's lap. Some call this the "rubber band" stage because it seems like the toddler is pulling outward and then snapping back.

Activities such as Music and Movement Story Time in the Our Time curriculum provide toddlers this opportunity. A child can move into the circle during Story Time and actively participate if he wishes, or he can stay close to mom or dad and listen to the story being rad. Given this security, most toddlers will naturally move to greater, and more appropriate, independence as they approach pre-school age.

The Emotional World of the Toddler: A Magical, Musical Place

An Introduction to the Emotional World of Toddlerhood: A Magical, Musical Place
by Melissa R. Johnson, Ph.D.

Toddlerhood is a time of life that challenges both developmental psychologists and parents with its fascinating mixture of change, growth, joy and frustration. Between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, the child leaves babyhood behind and emerges as a verbal and (relatively) competent pre-schooler. During this transition process, the changes that occur physically, cognitively, socially, emotionally, and in communication skills are amazing and, at times, overwhelming.

Toddlerhood has gained a reputation as being difficult because this is a period of tremendous energy and great capacity for movement and activity in the child, while at the same time it is the period when children are just barely beginning to acquire the rudiments of self-control and to accept the need for limits.

One of the most rewarding challenges for parents during this period is selecting activities that introduce the toddler to new learning experiences without overwhelming his or her capacity to adapt to change. This is particularly important because successful activities, like the ones presented in Kindermusik curricula, support and strengthen the parent-child relationship, while activities that are developmentally inappropriate can stress it further. Knowledge of some of the key emotional tasks of the toddler years can help increase the joy and reduce the frustration of working with this age group.

Crayons or Markers?

Crayons are a great tool for developing tactile and proprioceptive (muscle and joint) skills. 
Crayons encourage us to use fine motor muscles in our hands and fingers to bear down firmly in order to produce color. 
Crayons also allow us the opportunity to decide whether to produce dark or light color tomes.  Markers don't have these advantages.

Carol Kranowitz, M.A. and Joye Newman, M.A., "Growing an In-Sync Child"

How Children Learn Words!

How many words do you think your children learned this week?

The answer varies. While babies are in a recessive language stage and take in every word and label, toddlers are in an expressive stage with a vocabulary that grows to several thousand words by the age three. Preschool-aged children are in a storytelling stage and love to learn and express new words that way.

 By reading together, your children will internalize basic skills and concepts important for true literacy, such as expanding vocabulary, promoting critical thinking, and providing predictability.

The Power of Reading: When you read to children, you are building pathways in their brains needed for successful reading experiences. They will develop auditory perception that allows them to think about how words sound. Listening to stories helps children enhance their vocabularies and use longer sentences; it increases their attention spans, ability to focus on what is being said and gives them a desire to read.

As you read together, ask specific questions about the characters and the action of the story and the colors and shapes of the illustrations. Then try leaving out key words or phrases, allowing toddlers and preschoolers to "help" by contributing the missing words while toddlers can assist in turning the pages. Keep your baby engaged by "bouncing" to the repeated phrases through out the book.

A Rough Guide for Language Acquisition:

• Expect first words between 12 and 18 months.
• There will probably be a "spurt" of language development before 2 years.
• Anticipate hearing 4 to 5 word sentences by 4 years.
• Grammar should be correct most of the time by 4 years.
• "Other people" will understand almost everything your child says by the time he or she is 4!.

List of on-line resources to help teach your children how to read!

1. Games, printouts and information to help children learn to read! http://www.starfall.com/
2. Great selection of books to help with reading/language acquisition that you can buy or go check out at the library http://www.kaplanco.com/childrens-books.asp
3. HELP: Head Start English: Language Learners website: excellent list of book for children learning English or any child. http://www.hellp.org/tools/docs/list%20of%20children's%20books.pdf

Get your Children Moving!

The Movement-Vision-Reading Connection:  Our visual sense works when our eyes are actively moving. When the body and head move, the vestibular system is activated, and so the eye muscles are strengthen as they move in response.  The more the eyes move, the more the muscles of both eyes work together.  Later on, this eye teaming will enable toddlers to focus on objects as well as to track and then help them to be able to concentrate later as they learn to read in school.

 An Exercise in Sensorimotor Learning

(which helps the movement/vision/reading connection)

I've Been Workin on the Railroad:

In this activitiy children hear actions being labeled, gross motor and locomotor skills are being developed and they also learn stop and go movements.  All these skills help the brain to strengthen neural connections which increase the child's learning ability.

SAY: First we need to fix the RR track!

DO: Clasp hands together and raise them over one shoulder as if lifting a heavy hammer. Bend at the waist and thrust arms down, as if hammering. Label all actions then begin singing first part of song. 

SAY: Whew! That was hard work. We deserve a break; let's run around the room while we sing Dinah won't you blow!

SING: Dinah, won't you blow section while running. Freeze and stop singing after the final note of this section.   SAY: Stop! Back to work on those RR tracks!

PUT IT TOGETHER: Start the song again, singing and moving to the "I've been working...."section followed by the "Dinah won't you blow section". Do the hammer motion to slow part and then running during Dinah part. Repeat

I've Been Workin on the Railroad

I've been workin on the railroad all the live long day.
I've been workin on the railroad just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle blowing?
Rise up so early in the morn
Don't you hear the Captain shouting, Dinah blow your horn?
Dina won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow your horn
Dina won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow your horn

Please leave a comment or Tweet @Angelmusik

HOW TO TAME TODDLER TANTRUMS

Mom Wisdom comes in many forms. Mamapedia Voices proudly showcases useful and insightful posts by selected writers, from up-and-coming mom bloggers to well-known mom experts.

Photo by: Jared Smith
What? Well Behaved Children who Never Tantrum
May 25, 2010, by Danielle of "Free to be Parenting"

I am sharing this article because it's good to learn about different methods of child rearing--we learn from each other and other philosphies.  I had lots of trouble with my son having temper tantrums when he was a toddler, so I started feel a little put out by this article, but it has some really good points.  I hope you will read it and give me your thoughts and opinions.

I know it sounds like a mythical creature, but Yes, they exist, children who are well behaved and never tantrum. You think next I will tell you about the unicorn in my back yard. (His name is Gary and I feed him rainbows.)

There is a growing segment of the population that has abandoned punishment and rewards for something more effective, that results in well behaved kids who do not do what we have come to believe is "normal", namely tantrums and rebellion.

This all started in the 60's, yes I know you're thinking, "Okay hippie, Peace & Love, yeah I get it." But unlike some of the ill-fated and Ill-conceived ideas of that time, parents (hundreds of thousands of them) have found that these "methods" actually result in happy kids who almost always do what parents ask of them. Not only that, but these parents find that they enjoy parenting and family life a lot more than their contemporaries.

So if these parents are not using the tried and true systems of merits and demerits, what are they doing? There are volumes of books on the subject, but the following is a brief synopsis.

1.  When their kids have emotional moments these parents "listen & validate". Psychiatrists might call this active or reflective listening. These parents let their kids be sad (cry) or angry (yell) while listening with empathy. For example- It's time to leave the park. Kid cries and the parent says, "Oh, it is hard to leave the park, you were having so much fun" Kid says still crying, "yeah I want to stay" Parent- "Yeah, you want to stay and have more fun." The conversation continues (as they leave), goes back and forth with the parent acknowledging the kids' experience. The kid expresses all of his sadness about leaving. Done, move on.

When this is a parent's modus operandi, kids rarely, if ever, tantrum because a tantrum is basically an accumulation of disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. that has been stored up until one final drop of disappointment,etc. spills the bucket and it all comes pouring out. (One Exception- Some kids have been taught by their parents that tantrums are an effective way to change a "no" to a "yes". In this case, tantrums are just a means of getting a desired result.)

You can doubt me on this, but my certainty overcomes your doubt because I know what I know. And I personally know hundreds of families who have children that do not tantrum and I would guess there are many thousands more.

Now, if your kid tantrums, THIS IS NOT an indictment of your parenting. You are doing THE MOST challenging "job" on earth and you are doing it well! The decisions you make on this job have mortal consequences and you only get "on the job" training. So, if you have managed to keep most of your children alive, you get an A++ by me and anyone else who has ever undertaken the duty of a parent.

2. These parents meet their kids needs for respect and attention (bonding/connection). They treat kids with the level of respect they would treat someone they admire. (There is really too much to say on this topic for me to do it here, so I will have to leave it at that.)

Then, they give kids the attention that kids need. This means regular one-on-one time with each kid. Special time that is spent doing something that really makes the kids feel loved and connected. You might think, "OMG, I don't have that kind of time", but if you consider that these parents do not have to spend time cajoling, bribing, dragging kids to do what they have asked nor punishing them for uncooperative behavior, you can see how that would free up a good amount of time.

Again, there are volumes of books about how to really connect with kids and the cooperation that results. My purpose here is just a brief summary of the concepts.

3. When these parents have the occasion of "mis-behavior" from their kids, they look for the root cause and address it. For example- Is the kid hungry or tired? Do they need my attention right now? Do they need more control over choices in their life? Do they have an allergy or sensitivity? (Yes food allergies and additives can affect behavior) The list can go on. The point is that there is a cause and the parent can help the child address it.

4. Okay, you might think that without punishment these children run wild and never learn how to be in the world, but the opposite is true. These parents are the Ultimate Disciplinarians. Discipline means to instruct or teach. (Go ahead get your Websters, I'll wait.) These parents DO teach their kids how to behave well. Because of the relationship they have with their kids, they actually have influence and when they advise a child to "whisper in the library". The kids actually listen and learn how to behave in that situation. (One caveat- They also have an understanding of what is age appropriate. i.e. Telling a 1 year old to "whisper in the library" and expecting it to stick would likely be an unrealistic expectation.)

The point is these parents are continually disciplining (by modeling & explaining) their children how to be respectful, caring, helpful and most importantly how to make amends or restitution for their mistakes. True discipline.

These parents and their kids won't stand out in a crowd, they look just like you and me. They watch Sponge Bob and eat pizza, although maybe less so than the general population. But you may spot them from time to time if you look carefully. They are the ones with smiles on their faces who seem unruffled (or even joyful) in the presence of children.

Danielle Koprowski, ACPI Certified Coach for Parents, has been working with parents and families for more than 5 years. She lives her passion through Free To Be Parenting, inspiring parents to learn how to deeply enjoy parenting. Visit Free to be Parenting to get a Free Positive Parenting Course.

Give me your opinions and thoughts about this article!

Even Newborn Infants Can Feel the Beat

I am always looking for articles on how music affects babies and toddlers.  I found a couple great articles from the Discover website at http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2009/01/27/even-newborn-infants-can-feel-the-beat/  The following is a fantastic article on how even the tiniest of babies can feel a beat and notice changes in music.

Babies just a few days old can already identify a rhythmic pattern, and their brains show surprise when the music skips a beat, according to a new study.

Researchers played recordings that used high-hat cymbals, snare drums, and bass drums to make a funky little beat while monitoring the infants' brain activity with non-invasive electroencephalogram brain scanners, and found that newborns respond to a skipped beat in the same way that adults do.

The ability to follow a beat is called beat induction. Neither chimpanzees nor bonobos - our closest primate relatives - are capable of beat induction, which is considered both a uniquely human trait and a cognitive building block of music. Researchers have debated whether this is inborn or learned during the few first months of life, calibrated by the rocking arms and lullabies of parents.

While the researchers who conducted the new study say their findings are evidence that beat induction in innate, others argue that the newborns could have already learned to identify rhythmic patterns by listening to their mothers' heartbeats while in the womb.

In the study, reported in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 14 sleeping newborns were exposed to repeated recordings of a rock drum accompaniment pattern and to four variations of that pattern. Babies were usually exposed to patterns with a downbeat. On rare occasions, the downbeat was missing. Of the 306 consecutive drum sequences presented to newborns, one in 10 lacked a downbeat. Each newborn wore scalp electrodes during the study. Drum sequences missing a downbeat elicited a signature, split-second brain response that has been linked in adults to the violation of one's expectations.

Lead researcher Winkler says the findings suggest that a rhythmic sensibility is very important for infants' brain development, and says it may help them respond to the rhythmic and repetitive baby talk that lays the foundation of all future language learning.  Therefore, evolution may have favored brains wired to rock for learning purposes, said Winkler, and "music went along for the ride".

It’s hiding!

Object Permanence

It’s hiding, it’s hiding. In this week’s Village Class it was like watching little scientists testing a hypothesis and trying to understand what was going on. It was exciting to watch the change in the babies’ facial expressions as they hid the bells, uncovered them, and then hid them again.

Object permanence involves the understanding that hidden objects still exist even though they cannot be seen or felt. Infants respond differently to hidden objects-while younger infants might watch intently and react with surprise, the older baby might search for the missing object.

Bring out the natural scientist in your baby by playing simple hide and seek games at home. At bath time use a washcloth or towel to hide a squeaky bath toy. In the kitchen put a kitchen towel over the rattling measuring spoons and let the game begin!

Here’s a More Technical Discussion of Object Permanence:
Object permanence is the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched. Jean Piaget argued that object permanence is one of an infant’s most important accomplishments, as without this concept, objects would have no separate, permanent existence. In Piaget’s Theory of cognitive development infants develop this understanding by the end of the “sensorimotor stage”, which lasts from birth to about 2 years of age. Piaget thought that an infant’s perception and understanding of the world depended on their motor development, which was required for the infant to link visual, tactile and motor representations of objects. According to this view, it is through touching and handling objects that infants develop object permanence.

Early Research
Piaget conducted experiments which consisted of behavioral tests with infant subjects. He studied object permanence by watching an infant’s reaction when a desirable object or toy, for example, was covered with a blanket or removed from sight. Some of the infant subjects would immediately exhibit signs of confusion or dismay. Piaget interpreted these behavioral signs as evidence of a belief that the object had somehow “vanished” or simply ceased to exist. If an infant searched for the object, it is assumed that they believed it continued to exist.

Piaget concluded that some infants were too young to understand object permanence, which would tend to explain why they do not cry when their mothers were gone (“out of sight, out of mind”). A lack of object permanence can lead to A-not-B errors, where children reach for a thing at a place where it should not be. ”A-not-B error” is the term used to describe an infant’s inclination to search for a hidden object in a familiar location rather than search for the object in a different location. Older infants are less likely to make the A-not-B error because they are able to understand the concept of object permanence more than younger infants. However, researchers have found that A-and-B errors do not always show up consistently. They concluded that this type of error might be due to a failure in memory or the fact that infants usually tend to repeat a previous motor behavior.

Later research
In more recent years, the original Piagetian object permanence account has been challenged by a series of infant studies suggesting that much younger infants do have a clear sense of object persisting when out of sight. One study that focused on object permanence showed infants a toy car that moved down an inclined track, disappeared behind a screen, and then reemerged at the other end, still on the track. The researchers created a “possible event” where a toy mouse was placed behind the tracks but was hidden by the screen as the car rolled by. Then, researchers created an “impossible event.” In this situation, the toy mouse was placed on the tracks but was secretly removed after the screen was lowered so that the car seemed to go through the mouse. Infants as young as 3 1/2 months of age looked longer at the impossible event than at the possible event. This indicated that they were surprised by the impossible event, which suggested that they remembered not only that the toy mouse still existed (object permanence) but also its location. This research suggests that infants understand more about objects earlier than Piaget proposed.

One criticism of Piaget’s theory was that culture and education exert stronger influences on a child’s development than Piaget maintained. These factors depend on how much practice their culture provides in developmental processes, such as conversational skills.


Neural basis
Experiments in non-human primates suggest that monkeys can track the displacement of invisible targets, that invisible displacement is represented in prefrontal cortex, and that development of the frontal cortex is linked to the acquisition of object permanence. Various evidence from human infants is consistent with this. For example formation of synapses in the frontal cortex peaks during human infancy and recent experiments using near infrared spectroscopy to gather neuroimaging data from infants suggests that activity in the frontal cortex is associated with successful completion of object permanence tasks.

There are six stages of Object Permanence. These are:

1. Reflexes – the baby is learning how its body can move and works.
2. Primary Circular Reactions – the baby will continue to look where an object was for only a few moments. They will ‘discover’ their eyes, arms, hands and feet in the course of acting on objects.
3. Secondary Circular Reactions – the baby will reach for an object which is partially hidden. this has been taken to show it realizes that the whole object is still there. If an object is completely hidden however the baby makes no attempt to retrieve it.
4. Co-ordination of Secondary Circular Reactions – a baby will search for a hidden object. They will however look to where it was last hidden even if it is now hidden somewhere else.
5. Tertiary Circular Reaction – in this stage the baby will try new actions to get new results.
6. Invention of New Means Through Mental Combination – the child fully understands object permanence. They will not fall for A-not-B errors. If a toy is hidden in a matchbox then the matchbox put under a pillow and then, without the child seeing, the toy is slipped out of the matchbox then the matchbox given to the child the child will look under the pillow upon discovery that it is not in the matchbox.

You know your child has achieved Object Permance when they start experiencing seperation anxiety and stranger anxiety. They now remember objects and specific people that are not present. They will search for toys that have dropped out of sight. They are able to call up a mental image of what (or who) they are missing. They don’t want the stranger, because the stranger is not you.

notes from: https://www.kindermusik.com/Teach/TL_Resources/Databank/Docs/DewDropsWK7.doc, http://www.drgreene.com/azguide/separation-anxiety#ixzz0oZJp5M3U, ttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_permanence,

Please leave a comment or tweet @Angelmusik:

HOW TO TAME TODDLER TANTRUMS

Toddlers Throw Temper Tantrums!!

My son used to throw terrible tantrums. When he got frustrated or overstimulated he would just blow up, screaming and jumping up and down, hitting and kicking. I could barely bring myself to take him out in public because I never knew when he would blow.  Guess what?  He grew out of it and I learned how to cope with it and now he is nine and tantrum free!  Of course at nine we have new issues, but that is for another article.

An article written by Dr. Sears has some great information and advice in how to deal with Toddlers and thier Tantrums.  Even though my son is older, I found this information to very useful. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t063300.asp

Most toddlers throw temper tantrums. It's a typical stage of child development. To understand why your toddler throws a fit, put yourself in his place. A toddler has an intense desire to do things, but his mental and motor skills have developed more quickly than his ability to communicate. Because he doesn't yet have the verbal skills to express his frustration, he does so by throwing tantrums. But you should know that tantrums often come in two flavors: manipulative tantrums and frustration tantrums.

If you feel that your child is using tantrums as a tool to get his own way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don't do tantrums. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents' buttons. If you are a volatile person, it'll be easy for your child to trigger an explosion from you, ending in a screaming match with no winners. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline.

Frustration tantrums, on the other hand, require empathy. Take these emotional outbursts as an opportunity to bond with your child. Offer a helping hand, a comforting "it's okay." Help him out where he feels frustrated at not being able to accomplish a task. This way you establish your authority and build your child's trust. Direct his efforts toward a more manageable part of a task. For example, if he throws one of the common "I'll do it myself" fits about putting on his sock, you slip it halfway onto the foot, and he can pull it on the rest of the way. Sit down with him at eye level and caringly say, "Tell mommy what you want." That encourages him to use words or body language to communicate his feelings and needs so that he doesn't have to act them out in displays of anger.

Identify the Trigger

Tantrums are usually at the worse time for parents: when they are on the phone, at the supermarket, or busy in some other way. Think about it. The very circumstances that make a tantrum inconvenient for you are what set your toddler up for an outburst. Keep a tantrum diary, noting what incites your child. Is she bored, tired, sick, hungry, or overstimulated? Watch for pre-tantrum signs. If you notice a few moments before the flare-up that your baby is starting to whine or grumble, intervene before the little volcano erupts.

Don't Take it Personally
You are neither responsible for his tantrums nor for stopping them. The "goodness" of your baby is not a reflection on your parenting ability. Tantrums are common when a baby starts to strive for independence.

Stay cool

Temper tantrums in public places are embarrassing, often making it difficult to consider a child's feelings. Your first thought is more likely to be "what will people think of me as a parent?" If you feel trapped and embarrassed when your child is throwing a fit in a supermarket, don't lash out. She is already out of control and needs you to stay in control. Just calmly carry her (even if she's kicking and screaming) to a private place, like the bathroom or your car, where she can blow off steam, after which you can quietly settle her down.

Plan ahead                
 To expect a curious toddler to be the model of obedience in a supermarket when he is tired and hungry is an unrealistic expectation. Shop when you both are rested and fed, and let him be your helper from the safety of his belted shopping-cart seat. The morning is usually the best time for toddler behavior; in the afternoon he's more likely to be tired and hungry.

To help parents gain perspective on the tantrum stage, we've divided fits into "biggies" and "smallies." Staying in the carseat is a biggie. It is non- negotiable and all the theatrics in the world will not free the safety-contained protester. But whether she should wear a red shirt rather than a blue one is a smallie. A clothing mismatch isn't worth a fight.

Occasionally, a very strong-willed child will lose control of himself during a tantrum. If often helps to simply hold him firmly, but lovingly, and say, "You're angry, and you have lost control. I'm holding you because I love you." You may find that after a minute or more of struggle, he melts in your arms as if to thank you for rescuing him from himself.

In general, don't ignore a frustration tantrum. Turning away from her behavioral problems deprives her of a valuable support resource, while you lose the chance to improve your rapport with your tantrumer. Once your toddler develops the language skills to express her needs in words, you'll be able to close the book on the tantrum stage. This usually happens between two and two- and-a-half-years-of-age, depending on your child's language development.



UNDERSTANDING THE TANTRUM-PRONE CHILD
Some kids are more inclined toward tantrums than others. Children with high needs, strong wills, and who have trouble controlling their emotions are more likely to fall into tantrum behavior. They have more difficulty achieving equilibrium, an inner emotional balance that helps people bounce back from life's many setbacks and regain composure. These babies have problems emotionally in two ways: they are more prone to blow their lid, and they are less able to put the lid back on once it has blown.

Some of the traits that make children more prone to tantrums, such as sensitivity, persistence, determination, and creativity, can be very beneficial to a child's intellectual and social development. One of your tasks as a parent is to channel these qualities to happier ends. Now that you appreciate why your usually sweet baby occasionally turns sour, here is how to head off tantrums and deal positively with them when they occur.

Words before action. Words give power over feelings and frustrations. Parents who talk with their babies and toddlers, teaching them language in the daily flow of living, are equipping them to handle the moments of frustration and strong feelings. If a toddler can be given a word or two to say in a moment of conflict, he will often be able to cooperate with you because saying that word gives him mastery over the concept he's struggling with.


3 WAYS TO PREVENT TANTRUMS

1. Practice attachment parenting

We have noticed that infants who are carried a lot and whose cues are sensitively responded to are more mellow, less prone to tantrums, and are able to ride the waves of emotional upsets without falling apart so drastically. Because they operate from an inner peace, they are less prone to impulsive behavior or angry outbursts. Children, however, who are parented with less attachment are less able to recover from emotional storms. Attached parents can read their child so well that they naturally create conditions that minimize tantrum behavior. Practice as many of the attachment styles of parenting as you can, as often as you can. Making it easier to deal with temper tantrums is one of the immediate payoffs of attachment parenting.

2. Minimize the triggers
Tantrums usually occur at the worst time for parents: you are on the phone, at the supermarket, busy with your agenda. Think about it. The very circumstances that make a tantrum inconvenient for you are what set the toddler up for a tantrum. Wise parents avoid situations that lead to emotional overload in their children. Keep a tantrum diary, noting what sets your child off. Is he bored, tired, sick, hungry, or overstimulated? Prepare a behavior chart. Making this chart will help you analyze what you know and observe about your child. Behavior charts also help you create conditions that encourage calm behavior. You may discover that tantrums occur most often before naptime or bedtime, or when parents are busy making dinner. They may happen when you return home from a play date at a friend's house all morning. The chart may show that the child behaved well during meal preparations when he was allowed to help and nibble. Learn from this bit of childhood history so that you don't have to repeat it. When you discover a tantrum-prevention technique that works, use it again.

Even with your best efforts, tantrums will still erupt from time to time. Try to diffuse them early. Know your toddler's pre-tantrum signs - body language that signals the coming storm. Our Lauren has a short fuse. The slightest setback can cause her to fall apart. When she is trying to retrieve a stuck toy from beneath the couch, I stand by and watch as she pulls on the toy, her face getting redder and murmurs some angry sounds. I intervene early, after only one or two unsuccessful attempts on her part to retrieve the toy. Once those murmurs begin, she can no longer think straight. With our children who had more patience at that age, I would stand in the background and let them work on their problem a bit longer. In parenting the tantrum-prone child you must learn to strike a balance, knowing when to stand by and let the child work through the difficulty on her own, and when to intervene. Be careful, though, not to protect your child from ever being frustrated. It would be impossible for parents to arrange life so nicely for a child who is already of a mild temperament that he would not be getting a healthy share of frustration. Then he'll enter the next stage not knowing how to say "no" to himself, or handle frustration . A child will not learn how to solve problems unless he has problems.

3. Know your anger buttons
Some toddlers, behaviors push parents' anger buttons a lot, and some parents have very sensitive buttons. The combination of the tantrum-prone child and a parent with a short fuse is at risk for major conflicts. You'll learn quickly how a mature response to your child's tantrum can mean the difference between your child raging, totally out of control, and your child being normally frustrated. Identify which behaviors cause you to blow easily. Assess how you react to your toddler. If you regress to tantrum behavior yourself, seek professional help to get your buttons reset.

HELPING TODDLERS HANDLE TANTRUMS
Even after you do your best to create an attitude within your child and structure the environment in your home to prevent tantrums, they still occur. Here's what to do when the little volcano blows, at home, in public, or at Grandma's house:

• Don't take it personally. Normal tantrums are a result of your child's development and temperament, not your parenting. Tantrums are due to frustration (your toddler is trying a complicated engineering feat, and howls when it goes wrong), so don't ignore this need for help. Take this tantrum as an opportunity to connect: By helping your child out of a tight spot, you build authority and trust. Offer a helping hand, a comforting "It's okay," and direct his efforts toward a more manageable part of the task (for example, you slip the sock halfway onto the foot, and then he can pull it on all the way).
• Verbalize. Children just need to blow off steam. You can help your child by verbalizing for him what he can't say himself: "You are mad that Mommy won't let you have candy."
• Holding therapy. Other times, when they have lost control, they want someone bigger and wiser to take hold of them lovingly and securely take charge. Try: "You're angry and I'm going to hold you until you get control of yourself because I love you." Soon the tantrum will fizzle and you will feel your flailing child melt into your arms as if thanking you for rescuing him from himself.
• Feel your way through the tantrum
• Avoid forceful restraint. If holding makes your child furious and escalates the tantrum, loosen your hold or quit holding. Your child needs support, not anger. (Forcefully holding onto your child when your child needs to release from you is controlling too much.)

The tantrum-throwing child under two will most often need the holding approach. He can't talk about his problems. Your strong arms in place around him give the message that since he's out of control you have stepped in to help him hold himself together. You may or may not be heard, but you can speak softly near his ear with reassuring phrases like "Mama's here. I'll help you. Show me what you need," and so on. Don't coddle and don't allow his kicks and flails to hurt you. If you can't contain him and he hurts you, calmly put him down next to you and stay as close as you can without letting him hurt you. When to hold the child and when to just be on stand-by is a tantrum-by-tantrum call.

Time-out the tantrum. If neither ignoring the tantrum nor comforting it seems appropriate, remove the child from the triggering circumstance and call for a time-out. For example, if your child throws a tantrum in the supermarket, calmly pick him up and head for the car.

For tantrums at grandma's house (often the ones that embarrass parents the most because it is in the presence of their own parents and in-laws that they feel the most scrutinized), it helps if you are able to share your tantrum strategy ahead of time so Grandma knows not to sabotage your approach, and also so she knows you really are in charge of her grandchild and she can just relax and watch you parent. It might be similar to what she did when she was a mom, or it might be very different. But it will help your perspective on things if she says to you something like, "He's just like his dad. I had lots of days like this, and we both survived." Then you can both share a laugh and you may get to hear some wisdom from one who's been there.

MANAGING TANTRUMS IN OLDER CHILDREN

As a child nears three years of age, tantrums lesson because he now has the language to express himself, and he's busy developing in other areas of his life (such as imagination is blossoming, and more fears are surfacing. Tantrums may reappear at four with a surprising twist. A four-year-old is smarter, stronger, louder and more adept at pushing parents' buttons. The child now realizes he has his own power in the family, and that can be threatening to some parents. It is important not to squelch an emerging personality by overreacting.

Give a positive message. Give your child clear messages of what you expect. Be positive and specific in your instructions: "I expect you to be polite at Grandma's. We can show her your new books and maybe she'll read one to you. After lunch, we'll go home." This is more meaningful to a child than "I won't tolerate tantrums, and I expect you to be good." You can't reason with a child during a tantrum, but you can before it occurs.

Give your child other outlets for emotional overload other than tantruming: "Use your words instead of your body to get what you want." Help him use his body positively -- lots of opportunities for motor activities and outdoor play. (Get an old mattress or a mini-trampoline to bounce on.) Play lively music to dance to and have jumping contests. Encourage him to draw what he's feeling on a "tantrum table." After a tantrum, ask him to "draw angry pictures about what you feel." You can do this yourself when you're angry and talk about what you're doing: "I'm drawing angry lines and angry faces!" What really helps is for your child to see you manage your temper tantrums. When you're angry, try lying on your bed, kicking, and hitting the bed. Or, say "We're going on an angry walk. Get in the stroller." If you are beginning to realize this is a problem area for you, now that you have little eyes and ears soaking up your every move, you will want to get help on managing your anger. Having children forces adults to take stock of their own emotional maturity. We've all been there to one degree or another, so don't be embarrassed to admit, even to yourself, that there are changes you would like to see take place in you, so you can be a calmer parent.

Don't reinforce tantrums. Don't let your child use a tantrum as a means to an end. If he knows that as soon as he gets within grabbing distance of the candy at the check-out counter in the supermarket all he has to do is pitch a fit and you'll give in to quiet him down, then he's already conditioned to begin his act as soon as you approach the counter. Next time explain before you enter that high-risk area: "We are not buying any candy, so it won't do you any good to fuss. You can help mommy put the groceries on the counter. Remember, we're buying frozen yogurt to have at home." A friend tells us she handles private and public out-of-control tantrums differently. In private, she becomes so bored by the tantrum that it soon stops. In public, she says sternly to the child, "You may not embarrass me," -- and the child believes her.

Just Say No! One day I was with our then five-year-old, Lauren, at the supermarket check-out counter. (I reason that if the store is silly enough to risk putting candy in front of children, the management deserves the behavior they have caused.) Lauren threw a tantrum in protest. I kept saying "no" to the candy request. Finally, she got the message that "no" means "no", finally! The clerk later whispered to me "I wish more parents would say "no" to their children."

Ignore it? Whether or not you ignore a tantrum should depend on what you think the cause is. If you judge that the child is pitching a fit to gain your attention, ignore it. By you not reinforcing tantrums, your child will get the message that this behavior is not acceptable: "It gets me nowhere, I might as well be a nice person" (Then be sure to reinforce the nice person.) If you're going to ignore the tantrum and walk away, leave your child with the message that you are available: "Eric, you must really be angry. When you calm down, I will try to help." Then you walk away, though not far, and allow the child to regain his composure. Shouting "shut up" and storming off closes the door to communication and escalates a tantrum.

Instead of walking away from the tantrum, you could try the homebase approach. Stay nearby the scene and keep busy: read a book. Don't get drawn into the tantrum or start arguing. If the tantruming upsets your harmony or the child wants to get physical, you need to walk away. A phrase we use is: "That's disturbing my peace." Remember, a tantrum will go on as long as it can hold an audience. Big audience reactions will be rewarded with an encore. Sometimes, announcing "I'll be here when you're ready to calm down and talk" is enough to motivate the child into changing characters.

He is now big enough to hurt you
When a two-year-old goes out of control, you can usually physically take charge. This is not so with the four-year-old or older. He is now big enough to hurt you. You may feel like locking him in his room, but a safer option would be for you to lock yourself in your room until he is able to calm down. If you feel angry enough to hit your child immediately separate yourself from your child. Some mothers have put a child in a room and have found that the child destroys property. If he destroys toys, remember they are his toys, and you will not replace them. If he destroys parts of the room (breaks a window, dents walls, and so on), he will be shocked at his own angry power the first time it happens. It will most likely not be repeated because it is so scary. The older child can be required to work off what it costs you for repairs. If this destructive behavior does happen again, you will need professional help to sort it all out. There is just too much anger there. A sudden onset of tantrums is a clue to put on your detective hat. There is likely to be a problem going on in your child that needs solving.

One mother we talked with, who is also a psychologist, acknowledged her large part in escalating tantrums. She would keep talking, and engaging the child in battle. What she learned was she should have stopped talking and just done something to bring the tantrum to a close.

HANDLING TANTRUMS IN PUBLIC

Just like at home, kids throw tantrums in public when they don't get their way. Let's say you take your child to the supermarket and he feels he absolutely must have a candy bar. When you say "no", there is a clash of wills that can result in a tantrum. Many public places, such as stores and amusement parks, are overwhelming for children because there are so many things they want but can't have. At home, you can walk away and say, "I'll come back and play with you when you give me your nice voice. If you want to scream, you can go outside." But in public, if your child's volcano erupts, you can't just ignore it because his behavior is disturbing other people.

In a soft voice say, "I know you're upset, but it's time to calm down". Stay in control because if she picks up that her tantrum is getting to you, and it probably is because you're concerned about what other people are thinking, she'll scream even more. Your anxiety reinforces hers. If she doesn't calm down, take her to the car. If she won't walk, carry her. Once there, hold her, look her in the eyes and say, "I know you are out of control. I am in control and am here to help you. I understand you are really upset because you want that candy bar (or whatever else prompted the tantrum), but here are the reasons why you can't have it. We can talk about it more once you calm down. But until you do, we are going to sit here." Eventually, he will get bored sitting there and quiet down.

Even though it seems easier to just give the kid the candy bar and get out of the store, everyone's looking at you, and you're wondering, "What did I do wrong? Mine is the only child out of control." However, your child has to learn that tantrums are not a means to an end, otherwise, he'll pitch a fit the next time you're in a similar situation.

Don't think other people are judging you. Nowadays, with lots of parents on the go with their kids, people are more accepting of public tantrums because they've been there, and if you can remain firm and calm in the face of a tantrum, I think people appreciate it. Yes, a few people may stare, but usually no one will say anything. Just focus on your child, and tune out everyone else. In fact, other shoppers appreciate parents taking a firm stand with their children. One time after saying "no" to our five-year-old, Lauren who wanted a candy bar at the checkout counter, the clerk said to me: "I wish more parents would say "no" to their children."

Plan ahead
"When we're finished shopping, we'll get an ice cream cone. Help mommy finish shopping." Let your child help you pick out canned goods, etc. When little hands are busy, little minds get less upset. Hunger and fatigue can trigger tantrums, so make sure your child is fed and rested before you go out. Boredom can also drive a tantrum. If you're shopping or running an errand, keep her mind and body busy so she won't have time to be bored: "I need you to help mommy pick out a dress."

KINDERMUSIK SIGN AND SING CLASS
Another way to deal with and prevent toddler temper tantrums is to learn to communicate with your baby before he or she becomes a toddler.

Benefits for Your Child and You

• Communicate with your child even before she can form the words.
• Ease a child's frustration by helping her communicate what she needs, speed language development, and enhance long-term learning abilities.
• Reduces temper tantrums since small children can communicate thier wishes and needs
• Know when your child is most ready to interact and learn.
• Learn sign language teaching methods, such as making the sign on a child's body, on the floor, or hand over hand.

Through songs, toys, and loving playtime between you and your child, Kindermusik Sign & Sing shows you more than 50 signs your child can use to communicate with you. Using research-proven methods shown to speed language development in hearing children, you'll see how sign language can ease frustration and enhance long-term learning abilities for your child.


Songs and fingerplays. Already accustomed to fingerplays and rhyme-songs—such as "This Little Piggy"—you'll easily substitute American Sign Language (ASL) signs in familiar songs, improving your child's language skills, fine motor skills, and strengthen fingers for zipping zippers and using scissors.

Learn when you play. You'll never have to memorize a list of signs. This curriculum gives you the ASL signs that are most useful to you, and most interesting to your child. So playtime and everyday items around the house—ball, bubbles, mom and dad—become theobjects of learning in the classroom, and sign language becomes a natural, happy part of your child's day.

Hearing children who know signs, learn language almost twice as fast. As early as 11-14 months old, hearing children exposed to sign language put little sentences together faster than non-signing children, who do not begin to combine words into short sentences.

Do you have a Toddler who is in the Middle of the Tantrum Years?  Share your best tantrum story!

How Toddler's Social Skills are Affected by the Arts: Part 4 of a 4 Part Series

Social Skills are Not Natural Skills; They are Learned:

By watching others, testing, and interacting with others, children learn what behaviours get which results; how to manipulate their world; what roles are and how they adapt; what the limits are etc.   They are learning about dealing with frustration, patience, delayed gratification, self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to take risks. 


What they are learning now is the basis of how they will interact with others when they are at age16--they are learning about becoming self-disciplined.  Providing opportunities that are challenging and stimulating but not beyond their ability helps them to build self-esteem. How situations are handled can build empathy for others.  They need freedom of choice matched with dependable boundaries.  Finally, a loving environment increases thier ability to learn!

• Talk to toddlers about everything you are doing and thinking (helps them with problem solving skills as well as social skills and self-praise)
• Role-model the skills you want them to copy
• When appropriate, don't solve issues for them--help them find solutions to try
• Don't judge, demoralize, punish---when they act inappropriately it is because they haven't learned the appropriate way yet
• Acknowledge interactions with others, attempts at tasks, accomplishments, risk-taking
• Create story books together (they can draw the pictures), discussing an issue they are having (ex. separation anxiety during child care: include pictures of parents at car and at their work; start the sentences with "I like it when.." and "It makes me sad because..." and end off the story with the information about when the parents will return: time, during what activity etc)
• Give lots of hugs, snuggles, smiles, reassurance, love!

Suggested Activities: for Toddlers to Become Social Beings:
 

• Sing, dance and play music related to children’s cultures.
• Have food tasting or prepare a treat related to children’s cultures.
• Invite family members to share family traditions.
• Invite children to bring in photos or keepsakes of familytraditions.
• Visit a museum or library and borrow artifacts, books, music and art related to a variety of ethnicities.
• Make an effort to expose children to cultures other than their own.
• Play games related to multicultural traditions.
• Always provide pictures, puzzles and books which include children and adults of various ethnic backgrounds.
• Provide dolls of various races and clothing from differentcultures in the dramatic play area.

Here is a link to a Great article "Children as Social Beings," about how children become social beings
http://collab4kids.homestead.com/socialbeings.pdf

Prosocial Behavior

(notes from "Kindermusik and Social/Emotional Development" see link below)

What is it?

Prosocial behavior goes beyond simply “being social” and instead describes acts that specifically show recognition of and empathy for the feelings of others. It involves ethics, sharing, cooperation, caring gestures,
and compromises for cooperation and group harmony.  In studies, prosocial behavior seems linked, not surprisingly, to both listening skills and expression skills, as both are necessary to making connections with others. Children who demonstrate prosocial behaviors are more likely to play well with others, express recognition of the feelings of others, and even engage in conflict-resolution behaviors.

Repeatedly and undeniably, the demonstration of good prosocial behaviors has been statistically associated with teachers’ assessments of children’s school-readiness, with the development of positive friendships and relationships in school, and even with greater literacy skills, as demonstrated in testing. 

Children who can communicate their needs, recognize emotions, and produce appropriate solutions to interpersonal conflicts have an easier time forming positive relationships and benefit more from the learning environment of school. Social development and academic development are inextricably connected.

How it works in a Kindermusik class

Simple observation makes it clear that music activities like those in Kindermusik provide a wonderful opportunity for social interaction and positive connections.  Group activities foster opportunities for cooperation, conversation, coordinated movement, hand-holding, and the abandonment of inhibitions. As a whole, groups who have engaged in musical activities are more confident and better adjusted than groups who engage only in traditional, non-group, non-musical activities.

In addition, research suggests that music activities enable children to better decode the musical aspects (such as rhythm, stress, and intonation) of speech, and even to better identify emotions and tones in spoken language. 

All of these skills—listening, decoding speech, connecting with others, adjusting to a group—are essential to the development of what one study defines as “social competence”, or the capacity for children to engage successfully with other children, to set and meet social goals, to develop friendships, and to gain entry into the peer groups they choose.

“The preschool period is a particularly important time for the development of social skills,” the researchers state. “It is at this time when children begin to expand their social interactions beyond their parents and take on the developmental task of building relationships and acceptance with their peers.”

Excellent article: Kindermusik Music & Social-Emotional Development
Please leave a comment or send me a tweet: @Angelmusik

Hand-Clapping Songs Improve Child's Cognitive Skills

Many childhood songs incorporate hand clapping. Now, there's research to prove that those simple sing-a-longs help a child's motor and cognitive development.

The firsthand study, conducted by researchers at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (BGU), in Israel, reveals the impact these activities have on a child's development.

When comparing early-age elementary students who are exposed to hand-clapping songs to those who aren't exposed to these activities, the differences were striking.  "We found that children in the first, second and third grades who sing these songs demonstrate skills absent in children who don't take part in similar activities," explains Dr. Idit Sulkin.

The research states that hand-clapping songs are an integral part of development.

Dr. Warren Brodsky, a music psychologist who supervised Sulkin's doctoral dissertation, said these findings confirm that when a child does not have exposure to these types of activities, he or she is more vulnerable to develop dyslexia and dyscalculia.

"There's no doubt such activities train the brain and influence development in other areas," said Brodsky.

During this study, Sulkin visited several first, second and third grade classrooms for 10 weeks. She placed some classes in music appreciation programs, or hand-clapping song training. While another group remained in environments without musical stimuli.

"Within a very short period of time the children who, until then, hadn't taken part in such activities caught up in their cognitive abilities to those who did," she said.  However, the advancements only occurred for children in hand-clapping classes.  Through Sulkin's self-observation, she realized that early-age children are attracted to hand-clapping-like songs.

"The hand-clapping songs appear naturally in children's lives around the age of seven, and disappear around the age of 10. In this narrow window, these activities serve as a developmental platform to enhance children's needs - emotional, sociological, physiological and cognitive. It's a transition stage that leads them to the next phases of growing up," said Sulkin.

And while the firsthand study was limited to children, Sulkin also questioned adults to see the effect music and hand-clapping exposure has on them. She realized that adults also see positive effects from hand-clapping.  Sulkin noted that even though many adults may feel silly about these exercises, "they report feeling more alert and in a better mood" once having performed them.

By Rochelle Oliver, Associate News Editor, PsychCentral.com